Cheap Thrills: "Fluting" Pontiac Fiero

We know. You haven't been thrilled by a Pontiac Fiero since you last wore a herringbone gold necklace. But give this $700 ride in DC a look if only for the phenomenal ad prose -- it's the best we've seen on Craiglist in a long while.
Owner says he put $3,000 into the Pontiac and was able to coax it down the road for all of 500 miles. Biggest problem -- the "fluting."
"Until the head gasket is replaced," he writes, "compression above a certain point in the cylinders will vent into the coolant, which makes an alarming "fluting" noise. TRANSLATION: driving hard or for more than 20-30 minutes will both sound goofy and wreck the engine. Yikes!"
Yikes indeed. And the head gasket is just the start. Owner has a long list of defects including a fucked motor mount, a screwdriver trunk latch, an interior that "smells like the 80s" (clove cigarettes and Bartels and Jaymes puke?), and one headlight that fails to retract when the lights are off. "It winks," he writes.
On the plus side, it's a gold Fiero that gets 32 mpg, when it runs. Bust out the herringbone.