Ran When I Parked It: Sure it Did

While working through our daily Craigslist scrape, we often come across cars for sale with owners who seem to walk away from their cars one day and never go back. Take this $500 Ford lawn ornament in Maryland. The owner says he's been mowing around it for the last four years. "Before that it ran and was registered," he says. Hmmm. Like other ads that follow this "ran when I parked it" narrative, the seller leaves out the important info: If it ran and drove, why the hell did you park the pickup in the middle of your yard?
Did it run until a rod shot through the side of the block? Or did you just get tired of driving a vintage pickup for a few days, which turned into four weeks, which turned into all of the 1990s? Does this thing need a jump or a new engine?