Footballer Loses Way Overpriced Donk

It couldn't have been easy, but someone stole this donk '75 Caprice Classic from Carolina Panther linebacker Thomas Davis. But that's not the half of it. According to the Charlotte newspaper, the '75 Big Wheel is worth $136,000.
As readers may remember, we've come out pro-donk, simply 'cause it's impossible to make a 70s American land yacht any uglier than it came from the factory. But how much can 35 coats of purple paint and a big ass set of chrome wheels set a guy back? As my brother would put it, "$136,000! That better come with a ball tickler."
I've got a proposition for Mr. Davis: if the donk isn't found, I'll locate you another one for $75,000.